...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
