Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
