But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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