This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We are all done wearing pants today
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
