she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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