Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
