so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
