yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
