Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
