i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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