if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Randomize
