I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
