u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
