and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
