if i died would you start the facebook group?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
