Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
So. Much. Porn.
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