I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize