That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
