the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
