Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
