Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
