I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Houston, we have a blender
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
