That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize