so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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