You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
