I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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