Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
