You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
