ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
