She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
