I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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