So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I need water and some morals
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
