brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
