We won't sleep together?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
