everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
