No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
