youre lurking in front of me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
birth control should be required to get into college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want her autograph on my taint
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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