Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
