yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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