Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
