ugly people sure do ruin things
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
