you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
