Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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