Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
