i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
