you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
