we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
