Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
