we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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