I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize