hell yes lets make some ravioli
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
