Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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