I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
