After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my poor anus
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
