I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
