Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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