I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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