I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
