Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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