when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize