He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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