I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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