I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
