Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
