he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
