dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
