Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
