she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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