did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
