S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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