Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
