Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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