I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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