I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
