You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
