wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
