I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
