this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
FUCK WHALES
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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