I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
