i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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