why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
