dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Randomize
