True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
