you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
