ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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