There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
