How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
