It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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