Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
