why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
