the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize