the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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