She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
