she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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