i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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