I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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