i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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