She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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