It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
