Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
